Coming from a Normal Family of 5 kids hard working Dad, Coach in the National Guards , Mother a school teacher stayed home with us while we were all in school. Two sister two brothers and me the only blue eyed blonde. The other Brown hair and Brown eyes. My whole life I heard I was like my fathers side of the family. I really like being anything my father was. We were not rich we never knew we were not because we did not want for things. Went to Church, ate dinner’s together unless it was a football night then my Mom would pack up popcorn and hot chocolate to take with us to the Ballgame. I always knew I was different not like my sisters. I loved sports, was taller then the boys my age. Wanted to fit in with all groups of people. Wanted to be heard and seen. Did not apply my self in school. Sisters were smart and brother one was the Quarterback and other wsmart and younger and I also felt he got extra attention. My father was well respected and liked in the Community, so that meant people knew me and knew I was Coach’s daughter.
Later on in life that came to my advantage I thought. I was able to be invited to parties at a young age of 14. I was able to go places that I should not have been. Drinking started at 14. Sexually encounters started at 15. I had no clue but I was getting attention that I wanted. There are many things that happened I do not talk to much about because I now have peace with the trauma I went through. At 15 I had a trauma that changed my life and my thinking. There again wrong place at the time. Things started to escalate out of control. I started experimenting with street drugs and continue to drink. Had always two groups of friends, party friends and “normal” friends.
Several year later I had a Major car wreck on Memorial Day. I was drinking and drove to a friends house. We continued to drink I left her house and my car went out of control hit a fire hydrogen and the SUV began to flip. The SUV landing on top of me. I can remember the Firemen saying there is two people this one is dead and one trapped under the SUV. I was the only one in the SUV. After they removed the car the discovered it was one person and who it was. I knew the firemen through my Husband. None expected me to live. I was flown to the Hospital, my injuries were too bad so I was flown to a Tramua Center Hospital. At the Hospital all I remember is people talking around me saying her blood pressure is dropping her heart rate is dropping we are losing her. I had multiple serious injuries that required multiple surgeries. I was told I would never walk never live a Normal life. But I came through all of that. I was very lucky I was alive. After 3 months in the Hospital I came home in a wheel chair with multiple medications. The first place my husband took me was to say Hello to all my “friends” at the local bar. They had me a surprise party to Welcome me Home. With multiple medications , mutilple opioids for High level pain, Mid level pain, Sleeping and Aniexty. I was on a spiral. Most people would have said I almost died no more drinking and drugs and medication only use as directed. I was able to start living a normal life walking, running, working. But the Diseased Brain and the Addict in me choice a different path.
I had failed marriages and not taking care of my responsiblilities. I felt deep down in my heart and mind that I had no purpose to do better in life or life.
I was able to work and do really well at times, until I just didn’t care anymore. I was let go or quit and always someone else I blamed. But worked and worked hard. Sometime I would work and work 12-14 hours. Yes that was part of my Addiction. Different forms of Addiction such as shopping, eatting.
The final days: I was going to play golf with friends and my Husband BIG 4th of July Blow-out. Started earlier that morning cooking breakfast and making Bloody Mary’s, Mimosa’s went to play golf. Some say that that might be a Great day for them but for me I did not rememeber any of it. It was a Black-out. After coming home that day I still didn’t remember what all had happened. I laid down in the bed not only to pass out but with my husband’s gun to my head. I just had in my mind I did not want to life anymore. I was being so selfish and was only thinking about me. I told myself that I was not going to live like this anymore and I hated my self. I was full of shame and guilt for my past. I passed out by the grace of God then walked outside my house and fell down stairs. I laid on that cold hard concrete and pray God take me or help me get help. I had asked for help before but it was different this time. I did not want to die, I wanted help. July 5, 2019 in entered a Detox Treatment Center and was admiited to the Hospital for such High Alcohol levels. I called a Treatment Center and after 7 days of Detox went to the Treatment Center. I choice to go local not only to try and mend my relationship with my family and to Humble my self.
I completed the 28 day Program and was not ready to go Home yet. I needed more time to learn how to be Sober and stay Sober. I started a new Sober life and never looked back.
After one Year Sober I was able to give back. I worked in a Treatment Center for Women and Babies with Addictions. Then after two years I was hired as a Regional Overdose Prevention Specialist to help other Alcoholic and Addicts with Education on Naloxone and Resources. Today I am fortuate to work also work with Individuals as a Treatment and Recovery Coornidator, Certified Peer Coorindator (CPRS). I give the help that people just like I needed. God took me and said you are Worth It. You are Beautiful, you are Enough. I did not say in my younger years I want to be a Alcoholic and Addict and have this Disease but, I can say LIFE is Wonderful today. I am able to handle good and bad days by the Grace of God and the tools that were giving to me. I have Peace today. Today not only do I work with others and families of individuals in Addition. I am a CHILD OF GOD, Mimi and the best Mimi to my 3 Grandchildren I can be. I am a Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Cousin, FRIEND (real friend), good employee. Yes I am a Person in Recovery and want to Help Others live this life that I have now.
